Peace

The Hackelton family is not all that exciting to write about but I do get the bug to write from time to time and keeping up with everyone via email is not always easy. I figured that I will make us more available by trying to keep everyone updated on our goings on through a blog. It's up to all of you to check in on us now and again.

The big news right now is that we are expecting our second child on Dec. 6, 2008. We have no idea what we are having and don't want to find out until the big day. I'm 16 1/2 weeks along right now and waiting to feel the baby move for the first time. This has been a crazy pregnancy from the get go. I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes right after I found out I was pregnant and it has added all kinds of difficulties to everyday life. I am FINALLY starting to understand how to get my carbs and insulin ratio to match up. (Yes, I do have to take insulin 5 times a day) Type 1 diabetes does not go away after pregnancy but God doesn't care what the physical laws of nature say so who knows what He has planned!

The diabetes was a very hard thing for me to accept at first. If you know me well you know that I eat dinner to get to dessert and would rather fill up on sweets than something healthy. So finding out that I could only eat a certain amount of carbs at each meal and I had to restrict my sugar intake was devastating to me. Thankfully, I have a wonderful support system in my family and a great church that has been faithfully praying for me. By God's grace I have come to terms with what I am dealing with right now. I still hope that He chooses to heal me but I also want to walk each day with grace in the meantime.

Through all this I've learned that I didn't really trust God as much as I said I did. I've been asking Him for a while to go deeper in my relationship with Him. I want to be closer to Him and be changed to be more like Him. I am so hungry for that! With the diabetes I don't see the purpose but I believe that God can work anything out for my good. After 26 years I am finally understanding how to let go and rest in Him. Funny thing is that within all the stress we've been dealing with in all this there has been an undercurrent of peace running through me that I have never experienced before. I can live joyfully despite my circumstances because, thank God, I'm not in control anyway! :-) And best of all, when I am willing to step out in faith He is there to meet me and draw me closer still.

So while there are still some concerns about the baby and I'm still learning how to control the diabetes, I am at peace.